Age 12 is a hard year in my young life.
I’m just starting to become interested in girls. But having only brothers doesn’t help my social skills in dealing with them. Neither does my extreme shyness.
There is one young lady in particular that I have my heart set on. She goes to the church my mom takes us to. She and I had been on a few “dates” (someone else driving us).
That summer, there is a church outing to the beach for an evening bonfire. She is going. I have great hopes that we will be together that night. And she responds positively to my talking about being together.
Then the day comes. And my young heart is broken. She spends the whole night with another boy. I can’t believe it. My hopes and expectations are dashed. And I feel completely lost.
This event hits me very hard emotionally. As I feel these feelings more strongly over then next few days, I go into a deep depression. I don’t know how to deal with this rejection.
As days go on I become fixated on these feelings. After a while it is too much. I decide to end my life.
I do some research and find a relatively easy way to accomplish this. And one night I decide that this is the night.
I take a big handful of pills that should do the trick. I go to my bedroom and lay down, waiting for them to do their job.
I’m surprisingly calm… detached even. The emotional pain is there, but also the relief at knowing it will be over soon.
I’m just getting a little drowsy when I hear the voice. It’s coming from… somewhere. But definitely not in this everyday world.
With firm authority it says, “What are you doing?”
I know right away that a voice that can ask me that already knows what I’m doing. So I wait.
After a moment, the voice, slightly more firmly says, “Stop it. You have things to do.”
I get up and go out to where my parents are and tell them what I’ve done. We go to the hospital to neutralize the effect of the pills.
After this the depression is not so present. In fact it’s mostly gone. I have a kind of calmness.
Even though I don’t know exactly what things I have to do in life, it is very clear that there is definitely something. What I didn’t know at the time is when I would find out what that something is…
All the best for your health and happiness,